Reasons To Live
by musicandlyricsandstories
Summary: He gives her e is the rope he hangs on to stay e games have ended.Loved ones have died.But those two still survive.Katniss struggles to find hope and Peeta struggles to fight his ey are each others solution.But how will they find a future to live in where there are no games,no nightmares,no struggles,just love?Is there any reason to live?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: **All rights belong to Suzanne Collins.

_A.N.__ Hello everyone. I saw Catching Fire over the last weekend aaaaand I was reminded of this story that I had on my other account lying untouched for ages. Now well old account, forgotten passwords,,, blah blah blah….you know the story. So well I'm re-posting this story. Hope you guys like it! _

_It starts from the part after Peeta and Buttercup have come back. The day when she finally starts breathing again. I really wanted to fill in the gap. I really wanted a story to account for the gap between the last chapter and epilogue. How she finally falls in love with Peeta…how she finally agrees to have kids…. So without further ado…_

**Katniss' POV**

The nightmares just keep going on and on and on. No matter how much I try to shout. No matter how much I try to fight. This was the worst nightmare. The moment it started I had this urgent need to fight, because I was restrained. My ankles were held in shackles and my hands held above my head with some kind of rope. And also because I was back in my first arena. The place that had started my nightmares.

I tried to shout for help, hoping Peeta would find me. But it only took a moment to realize I had no tongue. I was an Avox. A mute, helpless Avox. And then out of nowhere a bow and an arrow materialized in my empty tied hands. The ropes loosened enough to let my hands fall and then tightened again. Someone was moving me like a puppet. A puppet of their games. And then one by one their faces appeared before me. And without my consent my hands moved and shot all of those faces right between the eyes. Rue, Thresh, Cato, Clove, Foxface, Glimmer, Marvin, Wiress, Cashmere, Madge, Mayor, Portia, Lavina, Darius, Chaff, Peeta's father, Mags. I'm crying, I'm struggling but they won't let me stop. They keep moving my hands one after another. Then comes the worst of it. First I shoot Boggs, then Cinna, then Finnick and the last person I shoot is my own sister, Primrose Everdeen.

"Katniss! Katniss! It's not real. Fight it Katniss! Don't let them do this to you. We are safe now. It's over." I hear the words. I hear the concern in his voice. I feel him trying to hug me tightly to ward off my nightmares. But it is not helping. All his words fall off from my ear. His arms just restraint me like the shackles from my nightmare. I want to get away. I want to breathe. I open my eyes finally and push Peeta away. He looks at me with worried eyes. The same old worried blue eyes of the boy with the bread. Not the boy with hijacked eyes.

"It wasn't real." He says quietly.

I stay quiet and look into void. It felt so real. Maybe I'm not the one who really shot those arrows in their heads, but I'm the one responsible for delivering them to death. Me and my act with the berries.

"It was." I say in a hoarse whisper. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"Then don't remember it. Remember anything that keeps you hanging in reality. The one thing that gives you hope." He says. His blue eyes pierce me in such a way as if he can feel every emotion within me, as if he saw all my nightmares and felt my pain. Hope. The word immediately conjures the image of the day when I looked into his eyes in school, the day after he gave me the bread. And then I see my hope, the dandelion.

Peeta was my hope. Until they took away the very reason for me to exist. They took away Prim as a piece of their games. They hurt my mother so much that she ran away and they took my best friend from me and made him into someone I barely recognize. They took Peeta from me too. But he is back, only I don't know if he is the hijacked Peeta or my boy with the bread.

"What do you hang on to? What is your hope."

He answers in one simple word. "You." And gets up to leave. I watch him leave. I want to stop him. I want to fall into his arms and tell him about every nightmare I've had. I want to tell him everything I've gone through. But I can't. Because even though he has the same concern etched over his face and has the same love in his heart for me, I know some part of him is gone. And somehow I can't trust him. I can't trust Haymitch or even Greasy Sae. They took one thing away from me when those flames ate my sister up. My ability to trust.

I only move when I smell the bread. I can smell cheese and some eggs too. I hear Buttercup meowing towards the source of smell, urging me to get up. I finally rise from my bed and go downstairs to find Peeta fixing the table and Greasy Sae making eggs. Her grand-daughter looks at Buttercup and claps happily. She comes to pick the ugly thing up, but he hisses. But she is stubborn. Finally Peeta hands her a bowl with milk and points it at Buttercup. She places it gently down in front of him and waits. Food offering is enough for him to behave nicely with anyone. She takes a slice of bread and keeps it besides the bowl. Then tentatively she touches him behind the ear, his ears stand up, but he does not hiss. Finally he lets it go and let her enjoy petting him. At least someone is happy.

I sit away from Peeta and help myself to some eggs and bread. I take small bites. Seems like after all the years of struggle with hunger and finally the victory over destroying that need forever for everyone my appetite is lost. Everyone is quiet.

Just then Haymitch walks in and stumbles at Buttercup's milk bowl and falls face down on the floor. He stinks of alcohol. Peeta goes and helps him as I continue my breakfast. He helps him on the chair and pushes a glass of milk in his hands. He drinks it with his eyes closed. Only a sip later he realizes it's not his drink. Buttercup keeps hissing until Peeta has poured him some milk. And just like that Haymitch gets up and stumbles his way out.

"I should go after him, see that he eats something." Peeta says getting up and readying a plate for him.

I watch him leave again. As soon as he is out I get up to grab my bow and arrow but realise I can't even touch it today after my nightmare. So I just take some rope and net and set out to my forest.

I set up the nets and ropes and sit in a tall tree waiting for…something. I don't know what. I know it's not for a game because all my traps are like the ones I first made when I was twelve. I know they won't catch anything. Yet I wait. I wait until the sun has set and I hear a voice.

"Don't!" It's Peeta.

I look at him with confusion from above. How did he even find me? His hands are twitching uncontrollably by his side.

"Don't ever leave like that and not turn up! I told you, you are my reality Katniss. Don't do this to me. Don't kill my only reason to be human. I'll become a mutt again." He says. He settles down on the ground resting against my tree. I reluctantly climb down and look at him. He says nothing more except get up and offer me his hand. It has stopped shaking.

After looking at him for another long moment I take it. We walk through the forest back home. I'm trying to struggle with words. I have to tell him everything I have kept within me. He is the only friend that I have left. And yet no words come. He keeps glancing at me every now and then. But says nothing.

And then a few miles from the house he stops. He lets go of my hand and scoops up something from the ground.

A dandelion. My hope. He offers it to me. And this time I don't think before taking it and gently running a finger over its delicate body. I swear to myself to always keep this flower somewhere safe. Somewhere like my family's plant book. I look into his blue eyes that flit away from me once again and look at the flower in my hand.

Once again he has done it. Once again Peeta has given me hope. Hope that maybe everything won't turn normal, but hope that at least we'll all be ok. We'll all be fine.

_A.N.__ Wasn't the movie like totally AWESOME! Peeta! And Finnick! Oh I'm still fangirling!_

_So how was it? Good, bad, totally awful? You can be very frank in your criticism. And please please do not hesitate to point out errors and give me some suggestions. I'm always looking to improve._

_Please please please review! Anything you want to say just type it in the box there._

_Thank you for readingJ_


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: Can only dream that it belongs to me!

Chapter 2

**Peeta's POV**

She sits there in the tree. Happily with a smirk on her face. I'm helpless. My leg is badly injured. There is a huge gash right from my hip to my calf. Blood has stained everything. I can't move at all. Any movement threatens to bleed me death.

"Just do it already! You're not Katniss. You're a mutt wearing her skin! Do it!"

And then the Katniss mutt grows claws and a tail. A snake like tongue comes out to tease me. Her eyes turn green. And then a bow and arrow appears in its hand the arrow strikes me right in the heart.

My eyes open. I'm panting and sweating. And I'm shaking uncontrollably. My mouth is dry.

"It was a dream. Just a dream." I tell myself trying to calm down.

Katniss is not mutt. Katniss is not a mutt. Katniss is not a mutt. I keep repeating the sentence in my mind over and over again. I reach out to my glass of water, but it falls out of my shaking hands.

Frustrated I throw some furniture around. Finally when my tremors are almost gone, I go to the kitchen to get myself some water. I'm barely able to fill a glass when I hear a knock on the door.

"I...I thought I heard some noise." she said as soon as I opened the door.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine. You should go back." I said. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I'm still shaking. I know my reality. I know she is not a mutt. I know she is not some creature twisted and changed by the Capitol to kill me. She is just a girl who was caught up in a mess that was more than she could handle. She has lost too much. I have to be there for her. I have to control the mutt within me that the Capitol have made. She is still the girl whose singing stops the birds in the sky. She is my reality. My hope.

And then all of a sudden my shaking stops.

"You don't look fine." she said looking at me intently.

"It isn't fully cured, is it?"

I shake my head.

"I couldn't sleep either." she says still standing on the door. I move out of the way and she comes inside but only hesitantly. We sit on the chairs around the dining table.

"Nightmares?"

She nods.

"How are we going to do it?" she asks.

"Do what?"

"Live. How are we supposed to live when we are haunted like this? We can't sleep at night. We can't live in the day. Everybody we love is dead."

"Not everybody."

"Those living are in no better condition than us."

"But we have to hope that our condition will improve."

"Hope." she says the word with the saddest smile on her face. "I had hoped for a lot of things. But look where I'm now."

I try to find a way to answer her. I'm not strong. I can't keep up the hope forever either. But I want to keep it up for her. As long as she is still alive I want to be there for her and protect her. Whatever has happened cannot change what I feel about her.

"I guess you were right. That we could end each other and hope that a species better than us takes over earth. That's what should've happened. We should've all died."

"What makes you think that whatever it is after death is better than what we have now?"

"Anything would be better than this. Plus we could get a chance to meet...meet the others on that side."

"We were here with them. And it didn't do any good. What can guarantee we'll have a forever on that side with them?"

"I...I...I don't know... Isn't death supposed to be the end?"

"End of one thing is always start of another."

"Stop."

"What?"

"This! Trying to make it seem that everything is fine. Because it's not. And no matter how much we try it won't get any better." she yelled and then she started crying. Before I would've taken her in my arms and just held her until she would be fine. But now I'm not sure about myself! What if I hurt her? But seeing her like this, I have to control my monster. Katniss needs me. Slowly I wrap my arms around her. She freezes for a moment on contact. But doesn't back off. Finally she rests her head on my shoulder and she cries it out.

The rest of the night passed just like that in silence. Sometime when the crying had stopped she passed out for the night. She moved a lot in sleep. She whimpered. Even a tear drop fell from her eyes in sleep. But the moment I tightened my hold around her, she seemed to relax for a bit. Only for a bit.

"Morning." I said the moment she opened her eyes.

It took her two seconds to take in the surroundings, and then she flinched away from me.

"I'm sorry." she said running a hand through her matted hair.

"For what? For coming to check on me or for passing out in my arms?"

She looks down and does not answer.

"Well if you're hungry, I made some cupcakes yesterday. And if you wait for a few minutes I'll get the rolls up too." I said. I feel ashamed for accusing her like that. How can I even expect anything after all that she has been through?

"I...I should go." she said getting up.

"No please I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I...I..." I try say something to make this better. But I have no clue how to make this better.

"Umm Greasy Sae would've prepared the breakfast by now. It'd go waste."

I nod my head.

"Aren't you gonna come?" she asks when she reaches the door.

I smile. "I'll be there in a few."

Before heading off to Katniss' I decided to check on Haymitch. As soon as I opened his door, I could smell alcohol and vomit and rotting food. There is broken furniture and glass items lying on the floor. And in the mess, covered in dirt and blood he lay there unconscious.

"Wake up!" I said a million times trying to wake him up. Finally I aimed my feet right at the centre of his belly and launched a kick.

"Ow!" he said coughing up.

"Get up!"

"Why?" he asked trying to get comfortable in the filthy mess he had created.

"Because you are still alive. So get up right now and clean yourself up. We are going over to Katniss' for breakfast." I said kicking him again. I was enjoying it. Well this was the tiniest of revenge I could take on him after all he did to Katniss and me.

"I'm not going anywhere!" he said throwing a piece of glass at me. I ducked but it slashed my right cheek and went by.

"Yes you are." I said and went to his bathroom and filled a bucket full of cold water and dropped it on him. He jumped up in rage.

"You think by pretending to be happy we are going to overcome this? Forget all that has happened? Because I know for sure, you can never forget deaths. So stop even attempting to make it better because it's all going waste." he said getting up and shaking himself like a dog.

"At least I'm trying not to let their deaths go waste. Many of them died so that we could live. So I'm just living to honour their deaths. I'm going to live for all those who should've never died. And it would be nice if you did the same for the ones who you once loved." I said and turned to leave. No one can help Haymitch but he himself.

When I reached Katniss house I saw her helping Greasy Sae's granddaughter pour out some milk for Buttercup. And when Buttercup drank the milk she became happy and clapped her hands. That brought a smile on Katniss' face too. Her smile gave me hope. A hope that the future will be good.

"Hey I brought cheese buns." I said waving the parcel in my hand. I knew they were her favorite.

She smiled and took it from my hand and opened it. She first offered it to Greasy Sae's granddaughter.

"Leyla have one. Peeta makes the best cheese buns."

She smiled like she was offered the world. She went around the house waving the piece of bread at Buttercup. And he followed her.

Looking at them she smiled again.

"Leyla don't tease him with food. He scratches." she told her.

Leyla set the bread down and Buttercup took it. He nuzzled against her leg. I hear Katniss' breath hitch.

"He used to do that...only with her." she said quietly when I raised my eyes at her.

She can't even say her name.

"Well you were never much kind to him." I say with a light laugh trying to distract her.

She hits me lightly on the arm in mock anger. We sit down and Greasy Sae serves us eggs and bacon. She eats it quietly.

"It's a beautiful day Katniss. Why don't you get some fresh game?" Greasy Sae says.

She looks at her and then she looks at me.

"Will you come along?" she asks me.

"Me?" I ask her feeling a little shocked. "You know I'd scare away the game." I remind her.

"I'll teach you." she says. I can see that she does not want to go alone. Her eyes have this pleading look even though her face pretends not to care.

"Alright. We'll go."

She finishes her breakfast quickly and gets dressed. She hands me a knife and supplies while she takes her bow and arrow.

"I'll hunt. You cook." she said. I nod at her.

We reach the forest.

"Ok. Watch my feet." she instructs me in a quiet voice.

She watches everything in her surrounding like an animal searching for prey. I watch her intently. She spots a squirrel in a tree a few yards from us. She points towards it to tell me she has found her target. She takes the bow in one hand and an arrow in the other and takes small, silent steps like a cat towards the tree. The only sound in the air is of the leaves rustling in the wind and the birds singing in the sky and the tiny creatures of the grass making their usual noise.

She carefully places the arrow on the bow, aims it at the squirrel. And in the next second the squirrel is lying on the ground with an arrow through its eye. All the birds from the tree flew up after the momentary silence.

"That was great!" I tell her when she hands me the dead squirrel.

"You try." she says handing me her bow and arrow.

"Umm Katniss, in case you haven't noticed, I'm bad at this." I tell her.

"I know. I want to know how bad, so that I can teach you. Come on now we'll have to go a little more deeper into the woods. And walk quietly." she says forcing the bow in my hands

We walk deeper into the woods, Katniss staring and making faces at me all the while. She keeps telling me to walk silently and swiftly but I guess my feet are not made for hunting. Especially the Capitol leg. It's not exactly under my control. She finds a squirrel for me to hit. I look at the squirrel's eye and place the arrow on the string. I pull the arrow and release it. It lands just a little below the squirrel. It skitters away immediately.

"Hmm... Not bad. You just need more practice. You're putting in too much force. Arrow is a hunter's weapon. So it has to be just as quiet and swift as a hunter. So release it lightly and aim properly. Here." she says and comes behind me she takes my left arm and adjusts the position of the bow and with my right hand strings the arrow and pulls it lesser than I had. She puts pressure on my right hand to let go of the arrow. The arrow lands exactly where the squirrel hand been minutes ago.

"See." she says with a smile. I turn around and smile back at her. Her hands still hold my arms and the only thing between us is the bow and our bag of supplies.

She realizes we're too close and jerks her hands away. I let it not affect me and say thank you to her. We sit by the the river. She gathers the wood and stones to make fire. I gather the roots and mint leaves to add to the meat. She sits quietly staring at the river as I cut through the squirrel, clean it and put it in boiling water.

"What are you thinking?" I ask her as I clean the roots.

"How I used to love coming here and hunting. How this used to be my secret place, first with dad and then with Gale. How I used to feel alive when I hunted like this and fed my family. How at that time I used to rebel against the Capitol in my little way. How the woods smelled. How the grass feels beneath my feet. How the birds sing in the sky. How much everything has changed." she adds the last part after a pause.

"Well at least it is still your secret place. Not many people come here. And even though times have changed, there are still these places that remind you of the good old times. We should remember these places for all the happy memories they are responsible for. Don't think about how much it has changed. Think about how it used to be and how it used to make you feel. Maybe the feeling would come back." I tell her.

She looks at me and tilts her head to one side, the way she does when she is confused.

She slowly reaches out to my hand and squeezes it.

"Thank you." she said.

"For what?"

"For coming here with me. For being there for me. For letting the happy memories not turn painful."

And suddenly on impulse I put the roots down and give her a hug and say welcome. It's only a few seconds later I realize this is the first time that either one of us flinched from the other's touch.

Maybe this is a sign. A sign that both of us are improving. A sign that everything is not lost. We still have each other to live for. She is a reason enough for me to live.

A_.N. Hey there. In other news (that is besides Hunger Games stuff….) The first poster for The Fault In Our Stars is out now! I'm so frickin excited!_

_So don't forget to tell me what you think. It helps me!_

_No Seriously! SOMEONE please review! It would mean tons to me. Thank you for reading. Hope you'll liked it._


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